I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
