ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
