By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
