i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
