Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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