Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
