the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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