i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
