Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
