We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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