I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
