speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
