I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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