I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
