maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
