Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if only i could text you this smell
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
