I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
