Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
