piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
