the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me too!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
