Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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