the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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