New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
