he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
