can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
