we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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