I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
