I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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