Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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