I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
