Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sex in the backyard? Check.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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