Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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