i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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