i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
