He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
