remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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