life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What a dumb baby whore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
