Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
