I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
