i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is Oprah even human
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
