I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
