I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
