we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
