I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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