So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
