What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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