just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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