Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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