My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
