Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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