He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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