Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
