Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
